loss
Miscarriage, Stillbirth & Infant Loss
You were so excited when you learned you were pregnant. In your mind, you could picture your baby’s birth, the day you would bring your baby home, their first birthday. You looked forward to every little milestone. You expected to watch your child grow up. Even now, you can almost feel your baby in your arms.
It feels like nobody understands your loss. Not even your partner really understands, because they’re grieving in their own way. It hurts. Likely, it hurts more than anything you have ever experienced. Life doesn’t seem fair right now. It’s hard to imagine moving forward. You are going through the motions at work, with your significant other, and perhaps even as you care for your other children.
However, the emotion still feels overwhelming. You want to feel understood. You want a safe space to share your grief, to express all of your emotions, and to heal. So now you’re looking at this page and wondering if counseling might help.
"Our sorrows and wounds are healed
only when we touch them
with compassion.”
-Buddha
Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Loss are Devastating
Losing a pregnancy or an infant can be one of the most emotionally devastating events a person can experience. You may have feelings of sadness, despair, guilt, anger, and disbelief. You may also feel isolated and alone. It can be difficult to talk about your loss, even with your partner. Though well-meaning, your friends and family may not know how to comfort you or to help you express your grief. Whether your loss occurred early or late in your pregnancy, or during/after birth, your feelings are real and valid. Those feelings need to be expressed.
I welcome people who have experienced a loss to come and share their story. During this extremely vulnerable time, I will help you process your feelings and work through your grief. I will also help you to heal and to explore your options for moving forward.
Common Responses to Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Loss
When you experience any type of reproductive loss, you lose not only your baby, but also your dreams for the future. Reproductive loss can cause you to question your body, your identity, your faith, and your hopes and dreams. There is no right or wrong way to feel during this time. Everyone grieves and heals differently, even among partners.
Some of the things you may be feeling if you experienced a miscarriage, stillbirth or infant loss include:
Overwhelming sorrow and sadness
Guilt
Preoccupation with what you think you did “wrong”
Anger
Hopelessness
Isolation and feeling like no one understands
Shock and numbness, including difficulty concentration
Distress associated with memories of the physical loss
Anxiety about getting pregnant again
Tension in your relationship with your partner
Tension in your relationship with family and friends
Suicidal thoughts (including suicide as a means of being with your baby)
Counseling After Miscarriage, Stillbirth or Infant Loss Can Help
In the first weeks after a loss, just getting out of bed can be difficult and for some people, the emotional experiences of loss continue to interfere with their ability to work, take care of themselves or other children, or engage in other parts of their life. Some women have intrusive nightmares or flashbacks about the loss. Some engage in destructive behavior or have suicidal thoughts. Others feel stuck in their grief and need help moving forward.
Therapy provides a healing space for you to work through your sadness and other intense feelings. As a therapist who has personally experienced pregnancy loss, I will guide you through this process in a way that feels safe, that is uniquely tailored to your needs, and that honors the loss of your loved one.
Whether your loss occurred during pregnancy or after birth, whether you have lost one pregnancy or suffered through recurrent losses, whether your loss occurred yesterday or years ago, I am here to help.
Common Topics
in Counseling for Miscarriage, Stillbirth or Infant Loss
While each person’s experience after loss is different, some of the things we might address in therapy include:
Working through painful emotions and memories
Addressing relationship and communication issues between partners
Coping with triggers (i.e. due date and other meaningful occasions; pregnant friends or family members; upcoming baby showers)
Integrating the loss into your life and making meaning from a devastating situation
Planning for the future
Being kind and accepting of yourself as you heal
“I want to sincerely thank you for helping me out of one of the darkest periods of my life. I am forever grateful.”
-Infant Loss Client
Mourner’s Bill of Rights
by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D
1. You have the right to experience your own unique grief.
2. You have the right to talk about your grief and your loved one.
3. You have the right to feel a wide range of emotions.
4. You have the right to make use of a ritual that is comforting to you.
5. You have the right to listen to your body and be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits.
6. You have the right to let the tears flow.
7. You have the right not to be rushed through your grief.
8. You have the right to search for meaning.
9. You have the right to your memories.
10. You have the right to move towards finding personal healing from grief.
You are not alone.
Although it’s hard to see it now, with help and processing, you can heal and find a way forward. Get the help you deserve when coping with miscarriage and loss.